Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
