So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
