You made me cry and you don't even care
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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