i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
