my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
