The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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