and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
