I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
