I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
