I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
