Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
