Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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