How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
