he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
