Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
