a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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