I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
