Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
