The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
