I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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