the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
