her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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