can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
