Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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