What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
