He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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