I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
