she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
