the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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