I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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