Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
