I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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