well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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