Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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