but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
