omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
