Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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