Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
