I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
