Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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