I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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