Define "chronic" masturbator.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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