Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
