let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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