ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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