id be glad to
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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