Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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