dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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