bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
