The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
