Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
